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Saturday . June 21 . 2003 . 10:31am review: "the hulk" We saw "The Hulk" last night. I didn't really want to see it, but Joe's friend Aaron was in town, and Dave wanted to go too, so I played along. WORST MOVIE EVER. Don't read this next part if you plan on seeing the movie. Actually, you know what, it doesn't even matter. 1.) SO LONG. It was opening night, so we had to get there something like an hour early so that we could all get seats together. And the movie itself was so long. I mean, it felt long, but it actually was long too, topping two and a half hours with all the previews and credits. I wasted almost four hours of my life watching that bullshit. 2.) WHERE'S THE HULK? It seemed like it would be promising at first, with a tight set of exposition scenes and flashy cuts, not unlike "Ocean's Eleven." But then it got all bogged down with the "plot" and character development, such that it was, like, an hour before we even got to see the guy Hulkify for the first time. The movie is called "The Hulk," not "Repressed Childhood Memories of Father Killing Mother that Gnaw at One's Soul." 3.) TOO SERIOUS. Again, the movie is called "The Hulk." It's supposed to be light summer popcorn fare. Can the psychobabble, and the tears, Poindexter. 4.) TOO MUCH WHISPERING. To quote the New York Times review (which was a big thumbs down), the entire exposition of the movie was delivered in "choked half-whispers." Except when Nick Nolte started screaming and chewing all the scenery (literally--he chews through an electrical wire and becomes Crazed With Rage Electrical Monster Man--don't ask) and you can just see him cueing up his acting-schmacting clip for "Inside the Actor's Studio." 5.) HOW COME EVERYTHING RIPPED BUT HIS PURPLE SHORTS? Actually, there was this one scene where Hulk turns back into Bruce, and you can see him shrinking back into his purple boxers. But those things must be seriously elastic. 6.) I THOUGHT HE WAS A PH.D, NOT AN M.D. He's a research scientist, right? So how come at the end, you see him prescribing medicines in the Congo? 7.) JENNIFER CONNELY IS PRETTY. That cannot be denied. So that part was OK. But the movie is not called "Pretty Lady with Pretty Hair," it's called "The Hulk." Also, I amused myself for a good half hour just observing how much the Hulk (in human form) looked like our friend Guillem. But the movie went longer than that. Oh yes, it went so much longer. * * * Yesterday was a long but relatively painless day of orientation, consisting mostly of a tour of the neighborhood with the Community Pediatrics division and a housestaff picnic. Because it was raining, the picnic was indoors. It was actually kind of funny--the chiefs took two hospital sheets and laid them on the conference room floor, like a picnic blanket, and we all sat on it and ate hoagies and chips. (Unfortunately, we were all extremely full from the pollo, arroz y frijoles that we'd had for lunch, so the hoagies weren't such a hit, but we ate the cookies and soda.) There was even watermelon, like at a real picnic. Unfortunately, no one brought the bikinis and volleyball net, or we could have really transformed that conference room into the MTV Beach House. * * * Today is my birthday. I am 25. I cheated and changed my age on the "About Me" page a week ago, so I wouldn't have to change it today. We're having my Birthday BBQ this evening. Again, probably indoors, like the picnic. Gotta go to the supermarket now to get more supplies. Maybe I'll finally get some of those Boca Burgers that everyone keeps raving about. Crazy vegetarians. Go marry a carrot. xo Michelle |
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