Sunday . April 27 . 2003 . dogs can't tell time the cooper report Hello everyone. I'm Cooper. You love me. Everyone loves me. Because I'm Cooper. Woah, what was that? Was that food? Oh. You moved your hand a little bit, so I thought maybe there was a possibility that you were eating food, but you weren't. I am extremely interested in all foods. Except dog food. I am indifferent to dog food. Unless someone else is trying to eat it, in which case I am extremely interested again. Anyway, I'm updating Michelle's page today. Michelle and Joe are busy. They're getting all dressed up in clothes that I'm not allowed to jump up on, and going downtown to get married. And, they're not even letting me come along. Whatever, suckers. I don't care anyway. La la la, here's the face of me not caring. Except that there's a possibility that there might be food at the wedding, which I'll be missing. God dammit. Hey, let me tell you all a secret. They've been living in sin since September. White dress, my ass. After the wedding, Michelle and Joe aren't even coming home. They're going to Italy. I don't know what Italy is, but it sounds tasty. I might not be allowed to go to Italy either, but I don't care, because I get to stay at the Dog Spa. Well, the full name is The Very Luxurious Dog Spa For Fancy and Spoiled Dogs. In fact, I'm there now, sitting by the pool, writing this on my laptop. Hey, my umbrella drink is empty. Garçon! Another Mai Tai, please. Aah, merci. That's French. "Garçon" is French too. I am very cultured, as you can see from my mad foreign language skillz and the fact that I'm shacked up at the dog spa. Also, I have a rope toy that is many different colors smushed together, so it looks like a painting by Jackson Pollack, an artist whose name I know because I am one cultured bitch. I am a bitch. That's the word for it. It's not even rude to say it, it's scientific. I'm a bitch, but everyone loves me anyway! Ha! My life is so, so good. It's OK to be jealous. How can you help it? I'm Cooper. Everyone wants to be me. But, in the words of M.C. Hammer, "you can't touch this." See, that was not a very cultured statement, but I just wanted to show you that I have a working knowledge of early 90's pop culture as well, just to prove that I'm down with the people. OK, here are the things that I like to eat: Peanut butter Cheese Steak (but hamburger is OK too) Beggin' Strips (Bacon bacon bacon! I can't tell it's not bacon! But mainly because I never ate real bacon before.) Bread Pork chop bones Tissue paper Dead mice (I almost got one once, but then Joe saw the tail hanging out of my mouth and took it away from me) Ants Rocks Toys (they say "not edible," but what do they know?) Oh, now, where was I? Well, the main point of this entry is I just wanted to let you all know that since Michelle and Joe will be in Italy for their honeymoon (honey is a kind of food--I know this because I tried some once but don't tell Michelle because I licked it off the sidewalk after someone squished a McDonald's honey pack) Michelle won't be updating this page until after they get back. That will be on May 13th, but I don't know what that means anyway, because I'm a dog, and dogs can't count. So Michelle just wanted me to tell you in advance that she's not dead, just alive in another country. But when she gets back, she will tell you stories about the trip, and the foods that she ate. OK, I have to go now. I have a massage scheduled before noon, and then I have to go to my tennis lessons. Well, they're not so much "lessons" as me chewing on a tennis ball and eating all the fuzz. And then when I poop, there is fuzz in the poop. Fuzzy poop! Chubby rain! I love the Dog Spa! This is Cooper, signing out. You love me. It's OK to admit it. You can't help it but to love me. Because I am Cooper. xo The Coop |
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Sunday . April 27 . 2003 . dogs can't tell time the cooper report Hello everyone. I'm Cooper. You love me. Everyone loves me. Because I'm Cooper. Woah, what was that? Was that food? Oh. You moved your hand a little bit, so I thought maybe there was a possibility that you were eating food, but you weren't. I am extremely interested in all foods. Except dog food. I am indifferent to dog food. Unless someone else is trying to eat it, in which case I am extremely interested again. Anyway, I'm updating Michelle's page today. Michelle and Joe are busy. They're getting all dressed up in clothes that I'm not allowed to jump up on, and going downtown to get married. And, they're not even letting me come along. Whatever, suckers. I don't care anyway. La la la, here's the face of me not caring. Except that there's a possibility that there might be food at the wedding, which I'll be missing. God dammit. Hey, let me tell you all a secret. They've been living in sin since September. White dress, my ass. After the wedding, Michelle and Joe aren't even coming home. They're going to Italy. I don't know what Italy is, but it sounds tasty. I might not be allowed to go to Italy either, but I don't care, because I get to stay at the Dog Spa. Well, the full name is The Very Luxurious Dog Spa For Fancy and Spoiled Dogs. In fact, I'm there now, sitting by the pool, writing this on my laptop. Hey, my umbrella drink is empty. Garçon! Another Mai Tai, please. Aah, merci. That's French. "Garçon" is French too. I am very cultured, as you can see from my mad foreign language skillz and the fact that I'm shacked up at the dog spa. Also, I have a rope toy that is many different colors smushed together, so it looks like a painting by Jackson Pollack, an artist whose name I know because I am one cultured bitch. I am a bitch. That's the word for it. It's not even rude to say it, it's scientific. I'm a bitch, but everyone loves me anyway! Ha! My life is so, so good. It's OK to be jealous. How can you help it? I'm Cooper. Everyone wants to be me. But, in the words of M.C. Hammer, "you can't touch this." See, that was not a very cultured statement, but I just wanted to show you that I have a working knowledge of early 90's pop culture as well, just to prove that I'm down with the people. OK, here are the things that I like to eat: Peanut butter Cheese Steak (but hamburger is OK too) Beggin' Strips (Bacon bacon bacon! I can't tell it's not bacon! But mainly because I never ate real bacon before.) Bread Pork chop bones Tissue paper Dead mice (I almost got one once, but then Joe saw the tail hanging out of my mouth and took it away from me) Ants Rocks Toys (they say "not edible," but what do they know?) Oh, now, where was I? Well, the main point of this entry is I just wanted to let you all know that since Michelle and Joe will be in Italy for their honeymoon (honey is a kind of food--I know this because I tried some once but don't tell Michelle because I licked it off the sidewalk after someone squished a McDonald's honey pack) Michelle won't be updating this page until after they get back. That will be on May 13th, but I don't know what that means anyway, because I'm a dog, and dogs can't count. So Michelle just wanted me to tell you in advance that she's not dead, just alive in another country. But when she gets back, she will tell you stories about the trip, and the foods that she ate. OK, I have to go now. I have a massage scheduled before noon, and then I have to go to my tennis lessons. Well, they're not so much "lessons" as me chewing on a tennis ball and eating all the fuzz. And then when I poop, there is fuzz in the poop. Fuzzy poop! Chubby rain! I love the Dog Spa! This is Cooper, signing out. You love me. It's OK to admit it. You can't help it but to love me. Because I am Cooper. xo The Coop |
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