Wednesday . April 16 . 2003 . 9:10am bricks, pits, and heroes There's this dog at the dog run who loves his brick. He's a giant Rotweiller, tall and thick and built like a bouncer. And there's this one brick, a cobblestone, really, that someone left in a corner of the run one day. Every time I've seen this dog at the park, he only has eyes for his brick. Here are the things he likes to do: Push around the brick with his nose. Try to pick up the brick in his mouth. Bark and growl at the brick as though it were alive. Flip the brick up on end and then knock it down. Lie down on the ground hugging the brick in his paws. This dog does not care to play with other dogs. He does not want to run around. He does not want to play ball. He does not want to hump things. He only wants to be with his brick. The brick is his one true love. Do not attempt to come between the dog and his brick, or he will get Cujo on your ass. * * * Have you heard about this antiperspirant called Certain Dri? Well, first, a little background as to why I bring it up. Sometimes, my pits are not so sweaty. Just a little bit sweaty, like normal. But at other times, my pits are very sweaty. Like all swampy and such. Not necessarily stinky, but just very soggy. And this creates problems when you're wearing a nice shirt, or even a non-black T-shirt, because then you get wet dots on your pitties and that doesn't look very ladylike at all, nosiree. And for some reason, I tend to sweat more when wearing button-down dress shirts (they're not tight or synthetic, so I can't imagine why), which creates the bad situation of looking like some sweat-drenched maniacs on days when it's most important for me to look good. (Thank god for the suit jacket I got to wear on interviews, I'll say that much.) I've been using Secret Platinum to some effect on my non-super-sweat days, but I thought that having an occasionally drippy pit was going to be my cross to bear. But then I started reading about this Certain Dri. Apparently, it's THE MOST EFFECTIVE ANTI-PERSPIRANT YOU CAN BUY WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION. According to its product insert, its DERMATOLOGIST RECOMMENDED to give you SUPERIOR ANTIPERSPIRANT SATISFACTION because it contains ALUMINUM CHLORIDE which is, I guess, some serious shit that stuffs up your pores so you don't sweat out of them. Commence barrage of "aluminum is bad for you" e-mails. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard it all before too, but I'm not about to start rubbing my armpits with crystals and herbal oils, so there. So anyway, after some trepidation, I finally found Certain Dri at my local Duane Reade. And tonight I'm going to try it out. Apparently, you can only apply it at night, because if you apply it right after you shower in the morning, you die. Or, you know, whatever, it's very irritating to the skin. So only at night. This gives it the air of some voodoo ritual. By the light of the full moon, apply Certain Dri to your armpits, and never again with the sweat demons plague you. Anyway, tonight's the night. Certain Dri updates to follow on how well this product actually works. * * * While I was taking The Coop Dog out yesterday morning, the street outside my apartment was congested with three or four fire trucks. There was smoke billowing out of one of the smaller buildings across the street, and the air smelled like a campfire burning. One of the fire trucks had its big ladder leaned up against the side of the building, and two firefighters were climbing up to the top floor of the building, in full gear. Their equipment looked heavy. They were up so high on the ladder. The smoke was grey and thick in their faces. And I thought to myself how brave they were. xo Michelle Countdown to the wedding: 11 days |
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Wednesday . April 16 . 2003 . 9:10am bricks, pits, and heroes There's this dog at the dog run who loves his brick. He's a giant Rotweiller, tall and thick and built like a bouncer. And there's this one brick, a cobblestone, really, that someone left in a corner of the run one day. Every time I've seen this dog at the park, he only has eyes for his brick. Here are the things he likes to do: Push around the brick with his nose. Try to pick up the brick in his mouth. Bark and growl at the brick as though it were alive. Flip the brick up on end and then knock it down. Lie down on the ground hugging the brick in his paws. This dog does not care to play with other dogs. He does not want to run around. He does not want to play ball. He does not want to hump things. He only wants to be with his brick. The brick is his one true love. Do not attempt to come between the dog and his brick, or he will get Cujo on your ass. * * * Have you heard about this antiperspirant called Certain Dri? Well, first, a little background as to why I bring it up. Sometimes, my pits are not so sweaty. Just a little bit sweaty, like normal. But at other times, my pits are very sweaty. Like all swampy and such. Not necessarily stinky, but just very soggy. And this creates problems when you're wearing a nice shirt, or even a non-black T-shirt, because then you get wet dots on your pitties and that doesn't look very ladylike at all, nosiree. And for some reason, I tend to sweat more when wearing button-down dress shirts (they're not tight or synthetic, so I can't imagine why), which creates the bad situation of looking like some sweat-drenched maniacs on days when it's most important for me to look good. (Thank god for the suit jacket I got to wear on interviews, I'll say that much.) I've been using Secret Platinum to some effect on my non-super-sweat days, but I thought that having an occasionally drippy pit was going to be my cross to bear. But then I started reading about this Certain Dri. Apparently, it's THE MOST EFFECTIVE ANTI-PERSPIRANT YOU CAN BUY WITHOUT A PRESCRIPTION. According to its product insert, its DERMATOLOGIST RECOMMENDED to give you SUPERIOR ANTIPERSPIRANT SATISFACTION because it contains ALUMINUM CHLORIDE which is, I guess, some serious shit that stuffs up your pores so you don't sweat out of them. Commence barrage of "aluminum is bad for you" e-mails. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I heard it all before too, but I'm not about to start rubbing my armpits with crystals and herbal oils, so there. So anyway, after some trepidation, I finally found Certain Dri at my local Duane Reade. And tonight I'm going to try it out. Apparently, you can only apply it at night, because if you apply it right after you shower in the morning, you die. Or, you know, whatever, it's very irritating to the skin. So only at night. This gives it the air of some voodoo ritual. By the light of the full moon, apply Certain Dri to your armpits, and never again with the sweat demons plague you. Anyway, tonight's the night. Certain Dri updates to follow on how well this product actually works. * * * While I was taking The Coop Dog out yesterday morning, the street outside my apartment was congested with three or four fire trucks. There was smoke billowing out of one of the smaller buildings across the street, and the air smelled like a campfire burning. One of the fire trucks had its big ladder leaned up against the side of the building, and two firefighters were climbing up to the top floor of the building, in full gear. Their equipment looked heavy. They were up so high on the ladder. The smoke was grey and thick in their faces. And I thought to myself how brave they were. xo Michelle Countdown to the wedding: 11 days |
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