Thursday . April 03 . 2003 . 9:38am |
queen of non-sequiturs Yesterday Joe and I were messing with the seating arrangements for the wedding reception. It's not easy to group people into tables of ten. Oh, there were some ready made clumps that fell right into place (the parent/grandparent table, for instance), but there's always that errant splinter faction that you don't know where you seat. Or the empty seat that you just can't fill. Table 5: Michelle's high school friends and...65 year-old Uncle Stu? See, it's hard. Here are the things we still need to do for the wedding. You must read this list because you're just not bored enough. Make the place cards. I anticipate that this will involve lots of sideways-printed, scrunched up envelopes as we load the printer incorrectly 50 times in a row. Print out the programs. This will also involve printer proprioception, as it's double-sided and I forsee some gigantic snafu wherein one side of the program is printed upside-down. Practice our first dance. My mom has been getting after us to take these dance lessons, but I say no way. The only thing more embarrassing than getting up and dancing awkwardly in front of a hundred people is paying large sums of money to learn how to get up and dance awkwardly in front of a hundred people. A girl's got pride, after all. Call the band to make sure they're still, you know, coming to the wedding. To play music. For the wedding. Yeah. Make an appointment to get my hair touched up. I got highlights, like, six months ago. Don't worry, they were very subtle, so I don't look all Heather Locklear circa 1994 or anything. You can barely tell that I'm all root-y. But I will get them touched up because I can tell. Start planning for the honeymoon. What to bring, how much money, getting all my passport stuff in order. Speaking of honeymoon planning, I had this conversation on the topic with my mom last night, who has time and time again proven to be the queen of non-sequiturs. MA Are you feeling OK? Stomach hurting? MICHELLE Yup. I mean, yup, feeling OK, no hurting. MA Maybe you'll get Clostridium overgrowth, because of all the antibiotics. But you were on Flagyl, so you should be OK. MICHELLE Yes. MA I talked with a colleague today from Naples, who said that the weather in Sicily this time of year was in the 60's or 70's. Not shorts weather. MICHELLE OK. MA So don't just bring shorts. Bring pants. And a windbreaker. MICHELLE Yeah, I think we'll do that. MA Because it might rain. And be windy. And then you can pull the hood up to cover your ears. MICHELLE OK. MA When you're on the tour bus, try to sit at the front seat, or next to the back exit. Those are the coveted seats, because there's more leg room, and you can get a better view out the window and not get carsick. MICHELLE Um...OK. MA Don't bring shorts! MICHELLE O-KAY! MA There are beaches in Sicily, you know. MICHELLE I'd heard that. MA You know, in Sicily, there are four different types of people. Italians, Arabs, Greeks, and...uh...I forget the last kind. But there are four. MICHELLE That's interesting. A melting pot. MA Seriously, everyone wants that front seat on the tour bus. That last bus trip we took in Italy, everyone was fighting over those seats. Fighting! (Continue for twenty more minutes) And now, for my non-sequitur: My new girly obsession now is with pedicures. I've never had some sort of nail-treatment in my life, mostly because I gnaw off all my fingernails anyway (FINGERnails), and the effort to maintain any kind of nail polish just makes me tired. What I really want, I suppose, is a foot massage, but when I walked into one of these nail/spa/salon/tanning places once and asked for a foot massage (as advertised on their promotional flier), they said they would only give me one as part of a pedicure. I don't know, maybe it would be kind of cool. Except it kind of grosses me out to think of someone working me over with a tool that had been used to shave off someone else's bunions. Ooh, and I thought of a wedding gift for Joe! I came up with a good idea (though, aside to e-mail Mary: I might go ahead and get the fancy dog collar for Cooper anyway). But I can't say anything, because there are spies everywhere. xo Michelle Countdown to the wedding: 24 days |
