Tuesday . January 28 . 2003 . 3:06pm |
going postal I mailed out the wedding invitations today. I supposed I could have just dumped them all in the maibox, since they were stamped and everything, but something about carrying two shoeboxes of identical cream envelopes makes you feel obligated to walk that extra block to the post office. I don't think the postal workers were so thrilled about it, though. MICHELLE (To postal worker at window 7) Hi, I just wanted to mail these. POSTAL WORKER #1 (Looking at box) They already stamped? MICHELLE (Waving envelope around) Yup. See? POSTAL WORKER #1 Huh. Just throw them in the mail chute around the corner. MICHELLE (With great importance) Yes, but...they're invitations. POSTAL WORKER #1 (Blank look) MICHELLE I don't want them to get messed up. POSTAL WORKER #1 Well, I guess you could take it to window 1, and they'll take care of them. (At window 1, Postal Worker #2 is crabbing querulously into a phone receiver) POSTAL WORKER #2 (Into the phone) You better not be tellin' me to do that, 'cause I'm by myself here today! MICHELLE (Waiting silently) POSTAL WORKER #2 (Angrily) I'll be with you in just a moment! MICHELLE (Trying to sound extra pleasant) OK, no problem, take your time. POSTAL WORKER #2 (Into the phone) Well, then they better get their asses down here and do it themselves! (Slams phone down. To Michelle, crossly) Yes? MICHELLE (Hoisting boxes) I was told to come to this window to mail these invitations. POSTAL WORKER #2 You better not be asking me to stamp those, because I don't do that! MICHELLE (Cringing) No, no, they're already stamped. POSTAL WORKER #2 Well then, why you here? Put 'em in the mailbox! MICHELLE (Gradually becoming aware of how ridiculous she's being for not doing just that) Yeah, but, uh, they're invitations, important invitations, and, uh, there are just so many of them that I thought... POSTAL WORKER #2 Take them down the hall to the prepaid postage window, and put them on the counter. MICHELLE (Envisioning a service counter) Oh, OK. Thanks then. (Walks down the hall, and sees the prepaid postage counter. It's just an empty counter, with no one guarding it, no one behind the desk, and no one else in that hallway. The sounds of the rest of the rest of the post office are distant. On the counter, a sign reads, "Place pre-paid mail on the counter, and a carrier will be by to pick it up.") MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE Well, this is just great. Not only does this counter operate just like a mailbox, but it's even less secure than a mailbox, since it's not locked. What's to stop someone from just strolling by and taking all our invitations? Just out of sheer malevolence? Why didn't I just dump them in the mailbox? Heck, I could still do it. (Hesitates. Still feels like she should hand the invitations off to someone, the same way you don't quite trust that your college applications will get there unless you send them certified mail.) POSTAL WORKER #3 (Walking out of back room) Do you need something? MICHELLE Yes, I'm trying to mail these invitations, these very important wedding invitations, but I feel a little nervous about leaving them out on the counter like this. POSTAL WORKER #3 Just leave them there! Someone will pick them up later this afternoon. MICHELLE But...they're IMPORTANT! POSTAL WORKER #3 (Possibly suspecting mental retardation) Leave. Them. There. Some. One. Will. Pick. Them. Up. Later. MICHELLE Yeah, but... POSTAL WORKER #3 (With a huge sigh, goes back into the mail room, and re-emerges with a plastic mail bin.) Here, you can put them in this bin. MICHELLE (Laying envelopes gingerly inside) Just like this? POSTAL WORKER #3 Just chuck them in there. And I'll put it behind the counter, in the back. Happy now? MICHELLE (Small voice) Yes. POSTAL WORKER #3 Fine, then. (Throws the bin down on the floor with a loud thump, muttering to himself.) MICHELLE And, they're off! xo Michelle |
