Sunday . October 27 . 2002 . 4:57pm |
fair is fair It was a beautiful Sunday, one of the five perfect fall days we're allotted per year, before the days get way too cold and the sky acquires that slushy winter-grey color that persists until mid-April. Today was sunny, crisp, not too cold, and to boot, we got an extra hour out of it, thanks to all that Daylight Savings whatnot. (I can never remember when we're switching out of or back to Daylight Savings Time, but I guess it doesn't really matter, since I'm neither a farmer nor a weatherman.) The Third Avenue Fair took place today, and we managed to get a lot of home-furnishing shopping done, and at bargain basement prices. For instance, we completely furnished the bare Queen-sized mattress in the guest room with two down pillows, two pillow cases, a fitted sheet, and a duvet cover, all for only $63. They're not satin or 400-thread count or anything fancy like that, but they are brand new cotton sheets that actually fit the bed, so that's good enough for us. They even kinda sorta match, if you're into that Martha Stewart tone-on-tone look. Now all we need are some guests to sleep on the sheets, to makes sure they're not ridiculously cheap because they were coated with poison. Street fairs in New York (and in other places too, I'm sure) are funny things, because, while there are different fairs almost every weekend before the weather gets crappy (see paragraph one, above), they all consist of the same ten vendor-types on a rotating basis. If you're walking through a fair and have passed vendor-type 1-10, the next block will begin anew with vendor-type 1. And here, with a breakdown: Vendor #1: The T-shirt Guy He sells trendy little t-shirts that fall apart or shrink to neonate proportions the very first time you put them in the wash. Some t-shirts have New York slogans on them. Some t-shirts are ringers with retro advertising on them or Chinese symbols silk-screened onto their fronts, sometimes crookedly. Some t-shirts have hemp lovin' slogans all over them, and occasionally, actual pictures of the hemp plant. No matter how many t-shirts I have, or how infrequently I actually wear t-shirts in my day-to-day life, I am always tempted to buy a t-shirt from the t-shirt guys. (But usually not of the hemp lovin' variety.) Vendor #2: The Knock-Off Handbag Guy Imitation designer bags, some better replicas than others. I like the knock-off handbag guy. I like handbags, but have not reached that stage in my life where I covet the actual Kate Spade as opposed to the replicas. I only object when the dude tries to lay it on too thick, peddling his Fake Spade for $35 because it's "real leather" when the thing is clearly, CLEARLY made out of plastic. Vendor #3: The As-Seen-On-TV guy Have you ever wanted to try Oxi-Clean? That vegetable chopper thing? Ginsu knives? Well then, look no further! At least one As-Seen-On-TV guy is invariably present at every street fair. They can be annoying, though, because sometimes they bring along their own sound systems and microphones. Vendor #4: The Cheap Dresses and Skirts Guy These vendors are always right on top of the latest trend that has hit mainstream America, meaning that it's a trend that has just started its descent into "that look is so over" in New York City. Looking for peasant blouses? Skirts with prints of various Indian gods? Camo-wear? Find it at cheap dresses and skirts guy's stand. Often mobbed by older women and Jersey-looking teens. Vendor #5: The Pillows Guy He just sells pillows. He is surrounded by mounds and mounds of soft, fluffy down pillows, like you would arrange around a top-heavy infant who just learned to sit up on his own. He will try to sell you pillows and make you think they are cheap, even though they are probably still way overpriced. Whenever you approach him expressing a modicum of interest in pillows, and then make as though you're walking away, he will yell at you that he'll throw in one, two, three free pillows for the price of one. Anything to get you to buy a pillow. He's the pillow guy. Vendor #6: The Surplus Makeup Guy He is scary, but still, the ladies flock to him. Mounds and mounds of old, expired makeup, in colors that have been cancelled or brands that no longer exist. Some makeup looks suspiciously used. Others look like the makeup that Jame Gumb was putting on himself in that videotape scene in "Silence of the Lambs," i.e. 70's-looking and skanky. Yet still, the ladies flock to him. I just don't get the Surplus Makeup Guy. Vendor #7: The South American Sweaters Guy They sell all manner of extremely itchy and overly large cable-knit sweaters. Also hats, which are similarly too itchy and too large. Nowadays, they sell many sweaters with American flags on them. These vendors look really bored all the time. Vendor #8: The Jewelry Guy This is the guy with trays and trays of too-big silver rings, racks of dangly earrings, and sometimes, silver necklaces with semi-"precious" stones dangling between links. Never go to see The Jewelry Guy with my mom, or you'll be trapped for the rest of the day, forced to compare the relative aesthetic and cost merits of various turquoise pendants. Vendor #9: The Chinese Massage People They set up their little massage chairs right on the street--you know, the kinds that have you leaning forward, with your head pushed into the little cushioned ring--and massage you, all out in the open. I have never gotten a massage at a street fair. I guess not that many people do, because the Chinese Massage People are very aggressive. Sometimes they run right up to you as you're walking by their tent, and start kneading your neck and shoulders right there, screaming, "Massage! Ten dollars! Good massage! Free sample! Free sample!" Vendor #10: The Wrapping Paper Guy Surprisingly, there was no Wrapping Paper Guy at today's fair, but usually, there are a couple of them present. They have boxes and boxes of cheap wrapping paper. Sure, the actual amount of paper per roll is pretty puny, and some of the paper is quite fine and easily torn, but something about seeing the Wrapping Paper Guy and thinking about Christmas around the corner makes you want to impulsively buy lots and lots of wrapping paper. My sister and I still laugh about this time that my mom came home from a fair with a giant roll of what she thought was Christmas paper, but actually turned out to be Kwanzaa paper, featuring row upon row of little African-American families capering merrily about. We're multicultural like that. So those are the ten vendor-types. And don't even get me started on all the foods that they traditionally have at the street fairs. The Italian Sausage Guy, the Falafel Guy, the Lemonade Guy, the Crepes Guy, and the man who shouts, "Ice cold beer here! Soda here, ice cold!" That's commentary for another day. xo Michelle |
