3/5ths done First of all, don't forget to check out this entry that I wrote yesterday. (I didn't post it until just now because my internet connection was down. And even if my connection had been working, I was too tired last night to post it anyway.) It's the end of my third week on Surgery, and even though I'm technically on call on Sunday, I'm going to look at my half full glass and be happy that tomorrow is going to be my first day off from work in the past twelve days. Tonight we're going out for dinner. I'm going to sleep in late, wake up whenever I feel like it, with the sun shining in the window. I'm going to wear normal people clothes, not scrubs. I'm going to sit in my room and bliss out on the peace and quiet in a space that's all mine. These simple things have become somehow unspeakably luscious. I should have my rent pro-rated this month, since I never spend any time at home anymore. Quelle ripoff for me. Do you know what the funniest thing is? I just found out I got Honors in Neurosurgery. How stupid is that? It's a one week rotation, during which I spent maybe one fourth as much time in the hospital as I do now on General Surgery. I think our preceptor just liked us because we all sat in the front row during Grand Rounds. Also, he happened to be an amazingly nice guy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll take the Honors, it's just a little bit silly to think that you could distinguish between Pass and Fail, let alone Honors, in a rotation lasting a total of 5 days. It also makes me feel a little sorry for the people who were busting their butts to kiss as much ass as possible during Neurosurg, to ensure getting honors. Because clearly, even a monkey who showed up on time the first day and didn't break anything important could get Honors in Neurosurg the way they're apparently grading us. Actually, I take that back. I don't feel sorry for them, because I hate kiss-asses. I HATE KISS-ASSES. There are ass-kissers throughout medical school, across all the rotations, but never, ever is it as bad as the ass-kissing seen on Surgery. And not saying that some people who want to do Medicine or Peds or Radiology don't suck up to The Man, but the difference is that on Surgery, it's expected of you. And if you don't kiss ass, they really don't like you very much. It's just part of the culture, I guess, the same as writing short, illegible progress notes and yelling and students for cutting suture the wrong length no matter what length of tail they leave. Kissing ass is part of surgery. And I'm on the Colorectal Team. HOW TO BE A SURGICAL KISS-ASS (A list compiled by Michelle after weeks of exhaustive observation.) 1.) Always laugh at jokes your seniors make, even if they're not funny. Even if they're outright mean, like making fun of patients for being homeless. You should laugh. And don't forget to elaborate on them, because then you will be accepted into their world. "Yeah, and his clothes are dirty too! Ha!" Surefire Honors. 2.) Always get credit for stuff that you do. Even if it's something as peeking into a room to make sure that a patient hasn't absconded, make sure everyone knows that you were, indeed, the one with the eyes. And if another student takes a look with you and passes on said information to the team to be helpful, get really mad at that other student because THEY are in fact TAKING CREDIT for YOUR precious seconds of looking, and are clearly gunning to take Honors away from YOU. Make sure to make a huge scene and scream at them for this transgression. 3.) Find out exactly what conversation topics your seniors respond to. And bring up these topics over and over and over again. They'll LOVE you! And then, Honors city, baby! 4.) Buy coffee for your team in the morning. And make them tasty baked treats, like a pistachio loaf. Don't bring anything for your fellow students, though. After all, they're not the ones who are grading you. 5.) Laugh derisively under your breath or roll your eyes when another student does something wrong. This will surely make you appear superior to them, and in the ultimate Battle for Honors, who's going to win out? That's right, baby, it's YOU. Another clever thing to do is to round on your fellow student's patients and find out as much about them as possible, so if your fellow student slips up or doesn't know something on rounds, you can jump right in and be the motherfucking MAN. The MAN, I say. Sure, it's not very nice, and your fellow student will hate you, but it's her damn fault for not thinking of it first. 6.) Always pretend that your goal in life is to be doing exactly what your attending or senior are doing. Even if it's not true. Make up some story. Pretend that you've always dreamed since birth of being a Colorectal Surgeon, and how you respect them immensely for making such a noble, proud, intelligent life choice. Hopefully, they will see in you a younger version of them, and then, with any luck, it's HONORSVILLE U.S.A.! Oh, but there's more, trust me. Our service has been light this week, but I just really need to take a break from the hospital and all those people in it. It really takes the heat off to be doing your Surgery rotation when you don't actually have an interest in pursuing Surgery, but people can sure make your life hard when you tell them what you actually want to do, as though it's a personal affront that you would think to pick a life different from theirs. OK, enough already. My one day weekend has finally arrived, and I'm going to start to enjoy it right...now. xo Michelle |
Friday . June 7 . 2002 . 5:08pm |
3/5ths done First of all, don't forget to check out this entry that I wrote yesterday. (I didn't post it until just now because my internet connection was down. And even if my connection had been working, I was too tired last night to post it anyway.) It's the end of my third week on Surgery, and even though I'm technically on call on Sunday, I'm going to look at my half full glass and be happy that tomorrow is going to be my first day off from work in the past twelve days. Tonight we're going out for dinner. I'm going to sleep in late, wake up whenever I feel like it, with the sun shining in the window. I'm going to wear normal people clothes, not scrubs. I'm going to sit in my room and bliss out on the peace and quiet in a space that's all mine. These simple things have become somehow unspeakably luscious. I should have my rent pro-rated this month, since I never spend any time at home anymore. Quelle ripoff for me. Do you know what the funniest thing is? I just found out I got Honors in Neurosurgery. How stupid is that? It's a one week rotation, during which I spent maybe one fourth as much time in the hospital as I do now on General Surgery. I think our preceptor just liked us because we all sat in the front row during Grand Rounds. Also, he happened to be an amazingly nice guy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'll take the Honors, it's just a little bit silly to think that you could distinguish between Pass and Fail, let alone Honors, in a rotation lasting a total of 5 days. It also makes me feel a little sorry for the people who were busting their butts to kiss as much ass as possible during Neurosurg, to ensure getting honors. Because clearly, even a monkey who showed up on time the first day and didn't break anything important could get Honors in Neurosurg the way they're apparently grading us. Actually, I take that back. I don't feel sorry for them, because I hate kiss-asses. I HATE KISS-ASSES. There are ass-kissers throughout medical school, across all the rotations, but never, ever is it as bad as the ass-kissing seen on Surgery. And not saying that some people who want to do Medicine or Peds or Radiology don't suck up to The Man, but the difference is that on Surgery, it's expected of you. And if you don't kiss ass, they really don't like you very much. It's just part of the culture, I guess, the same as writing short, illegible progress notes and yelling and students for cutting suture the wrong length no matter what length of tail they leave. Kissing ass is part of surgery. And I'm on the Colorectal Team. HOW TO BE A SURGICAL KISS-ASS (A list compiled by Michelle after weeks of exhaustive observation.) 1.) Always laugh at jokes your seniors make, even if they're not funny. Even if they're outright mean, like making fun of patients for being homeless. You should laugh. And don't forget to elaborate on them, because then you will be accepted into their world. "Yeah, and his clothes are dirty too! Ha!" Surefire Honors. 2.) Always get credit for stuff that you do. Even if it's something as peeking into a room to make sure that a patient hasn't absconded, make sure everyone knows that you were, indeed, the one with the eyes. And if another student takes a look with you and passes on said information to the team to be helpful, get really mad at that other student because THEY are in fact TAKING CREDIT for YOUR precious seconds of looking, and are clearly gunning to take Honors away from YOU. Make sure to make a huge scene and scream at them for this transgression. 3.) Find out exactly what conversation topics your seniors respond to. And bring up these topics over and over and over again. They'll LOVE you! And then, Honors city, baby! 4.) Buy coffee for your team in the morning. And make them tasty baked treats, like a pistachio loaf. Don't bring anything for your fellow students, though. After all, they're not the ones who are grading you. 5.) Laugh derisively under your breath or roll your eyes when another student does something wrong. This will surely make you appear superior to them, and in the ultimate Battle for Honors, who's going to win out? That's right, baby, it's YOU. Another clever thing to do is to round on your fellow student's patients and find out as much about them as possible, so if your fellow student slips up or doesn't know something on rounds, you can jump right in and be the motherfucking MAN. The MAN, I say. Sure, it's not very nice, and your fellow student will hate you, but it's her damn fault for not thinking of it first. 6.) Always pretend that your goal in life is to be doing exactly what your attending or senior are doing. Even if it's not true. Make up some story. Pretend that you've always dreamed since birth of being a Colorectal Surgeon, and how you respect them immensely for making such a noble, proud, intelligent life choice. Hopefully, they will see in you a younger version of them, and then, with any luck, it's HONORSVILLE U.S.A.! Oh, but there's more, trust me. Our service has been light this week, but I just really need to take a break from the hospital and all those people in it. It really takes the heat off to be doing your Surgery rotation when you don't actually have an interest in pursuing Surgery, but people can sure make your life hard when you tell them what you actually want to do, as though it's a personal affront that you would think to pick a life different from theirs. OK, enough already. My one day weekend has finally arrived, and I'm going to start to enjoy it right...now. xo Michelle |
