Wednesday . May 15 . 2002 . 8:43pm |
singing ovaries I was with Anesthesia today on a case where the attending surgeon was your standard cocky blowhard. (That actually sounds kind of dirty, even though I didn't mean it in that way.) I'm not going to say "you know the type," because you might not, but let me just tell you that while a nice guy at heart, he's also in love with himself, in love with his own manliness and surgical ability, thinks that anyone who's not him is wrong or stupid in some way, and loves to remind everyone in earshot of that fact. Basically, think of Dr. Romano in ER before he got his cuddly makeover, and you have a good idea of what I mean. Back when I was working on this attending's service, we would all fear being put onto a case with him, as he would pimp mercilessly on all and sundry topics (not just medicine--for example, he pimped Andy and Sheryl on Bible trivia), and mock you relentlessly for the answers that you would get wrong. However, this time around, I was on the anesthesia side, so I knew I was in no danger of being pimped, or even noticed. I was Beyond the Blue Curtain, as it were. So I was with anesthesia on this case today, and Joe happened to be the student working with this surgeon, Dr. C. After pimping Joe for a while on anatomy, Dr. C. decided to enlist him to do the only thing that students are really good for in the OR, besides retracting for hours. DR. C. (To Joe) Could you change the CD? The music stopped. JOE (Obligingly) Sure. What do you want to listen to? DR. C. I don't know... Oh wait, there is one CD in there that we were listening to yesterday. Woman singer. Really good. RESIDENT Who was it? DR. C. Woman singer! From Canada! Who is it, Morrisy...Morrison... RESIDENT Alanis Morissette? DR. C. That's the one! She is really something! MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE Heh. Big man loves Alanis Morissette. JOE Alanis Morissette? Really? (Dubiously) OK. (Looks for CD) DR. C. She is really incredible, isn't she? RESIDENT (Dutifully) She's very talented. DR. C. I love her lyrics. (To Joe) Where's the CD? Put it on! JOE I'm looking for it. (Locates CD, starts playing it) DR. C. There's that one song, where she sings about being betrayed by her boyfriend...really powerful! RESIDENT I'm not sure that I've really listened to her lyrics... DR. C. And there's another one, where she talks about her body image, and how people were telling her that she would be perfect if she could keep her tight little body but lose some weight. Amazing message! MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE Hee! Dr. C. looooves Alanis Morissette! DR. C. She's incredible. I really love her. RESIDENT (Eager to please) I really like her too. DR. C. Did you know she's from Canada? Amazing! MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE What, it's so amazing that talented people come from places outside of the U.S.? RESIDENT Yes, I think I read that she's Canadian. DR. C. Who's that other female singer, really talented, who's also from Canada? What's her name? Had that album "Mirrorball?" RESIDENT You know, I'm not sure... MICHELLE (Unable to stay out of the conversation anymore) Sarah McLachlan? DR. C. That's the one! She's great too! MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE Oh my god, Dr. C. loves Alanis Morissette and Sarah McLachlan. He is a woman. DR. C. And there's another singer from Canada who's really something. What's her name...Jewel! MICHELLE Jewel's from Alaska. JOE Alaska is Canada. DR. C. Jewel. She's great. MICHELLE (Whispering to Joe) Can you believe this? Do you think he likes Tori Amos too? JOE (Also whispering) And Ani DiFranco? MICHELLE And the Indigo Girls? Actually, do you think I should just ask him if he went to Wellesley? DR. C. (To the scrub nurse, regarding the surgery) Dammit, I asked for the velvet tipped suction catheter! Velvet tipped! Why can't you just give me what I ask for! And turn that light off! SCRUB NURSE OK, right away. (Makes necessary adjustments) DR. C. (To the general assembly) Why is everything such a struggle? MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE I think "Why is Everything Such a Struggle" is the title of the newest single off of Tori Amos's new album. That, and the song where she sings about her beautiful, beautiful vagina. |
