Wednesday . March 20 . 2002 . 9:50pm |
ice cream and longevity SCENE: Dr. C's office yesterday... DR. C (To patient) Well, you look great for a young girl. Haw! PATIENT (To Michelle) I'm ninety-four years old. Can you imagine? Ninety-four years old! Hee! MICHELLE Well, you look wonderful. PATIENT (To Dr. C) Now, do I have to start watching what I eat? Cutting out sweets and things like that? DR. C No, your weight is good, and you're not diabetic or anything like that. PATIENT Because I do like to eat ice cream. Hee hee! MICHELLE Who doesn't? DR. C I say, if you get to be ninety-four, you've earned the right to eat whatever you damn well want! Haw! PATIENT Hee! MICHELLE Yeah! Ice cream! Woo! PATIENT Oh good. I'm so glad you didn't ask me to cut out ice cream and cakes and things. Those are some of my few pleasures in life! Tee hee! MICHELLE I think you've been doing well so far. PATIENT You see, all of my friends are dead! Hee! MICHELLE Oh. PATIENT I had one last old friend, she was in a home, but then she died last week! Hee hee! MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE This conversation has taken a sobering turn. MICHELLE I'm so sorry to hear that. PATIENT So my point is, I'm glad you're not telling me to give up ice cream! Yay! MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE And yet still somehow sort of funny. MICHELLE No. You eat ice cream if you feel like it. PATIENT (To Michelle, conspiratorially) You know, I read an article the other day that said that chocolate is good for you now. MICHELLE Is that so? I think I may have heard that on the radio. PATIENT Can you imagine? Chocolate? Good for you? That's the best news I've heard yet! Hee! MICHELLE Hee! DR. C Haw! MICHELLE (Playing along) Hey, or better yet, chocolate ice cream! (Silence) PATIENT (Suddenly very serious) Oh no, dear, I don't think the article said that. |
Bikini Briefs |
Today was the first day of Spring. So of course, it was freezing and rainy all day. The bitterest thing is that it probably rained just enough to make conditions wretched outside, but not enough to end this drought that we've been going through. (I really haven't been keeping up with current events that much lately, but I think that we're currently in drought conditions. It makes me feel vaguely guilty every time I flush the toilet.) And of course, as I write this, the rest of my family is now vacationing in sunny, warm Puerto Rico, home of former Menudo and bon-bon shaker Ricky Martin. Damn them. |
