Sunday . March 3 . 2002 . 5:30pm |
stirring my stew pot Last night I had the most stereotypical Wonder Years-type adolescent dream. I won't bore you with all the details, since I bore of long, intricate dream narratives, but suffice it to say that it basically involves naked me clad only in a bath towel, the accidental dropping of said bath towel, and subsequent exposure of my bare ass to a gaggle of classmates and authority figures, including, most prominently, the chair of the Neurology department. What could this all mean? My culinary project for the day is making a chicken curry stew. I've never made chicken curry stew before, but how hard could it be? It's stew. Stew is just about the easiest thing to cook, besides soup, because all you have to do is throw a bunch of chopped up crud into a pot, turn on the flame, and let the magic of heat and chemistry do the rest. I've actually decided that one day, I'm going to write a cookbook entitled, "The Cookbook for Lazy People Who Don't Actually Enjoy Cooking, but Enjoy Eating." If this chicken curry stew turns out tasting OK, I'll share the "recipe" here in my next entry. If it's a disaster, however, I will shroud my failure in silence and we will never speak of this again. A conversation with Ca (my sister) this morning: MICHELLE So, what do you think of my new website design? CA I like the picture of New York. MICHELLE I tried to make it more simple. You know, with the black and white. But I'm worried that it's, like, too stark or something. Do you think it looks scary? Like a website designed by a serial killer or something? CA (silence) MICHELLE Well? Do you think it looks like a serial killer website? CA (silence) MICHELLE You do, don't you. CA Well...as long as you write...nice... non-killer things on your site, it should be fine. MICHELLE It rubs the lotion on it's body, it does this whenever it's told. Put the lotion in the basket! I'm going to stir my stew pot now. xo Michelle |
Bikini Briefs |
Foot In Mouth Disease Have you ever misspoken so badly that you're even too humiliated to apologize? Because here's what happened to me last week. SCENE: Me and a friend, goofing around at work. It's the end of the afternoon, and we've just been chewing the fat, joking around, waiting around until the time comes to go home. Suddenly, FRIEND's pager goes off. The number that shows up on his pager display is some random collection of unknown digits. FRIEND (Groaning) What the hell number is this? Who's paging me now? MICHELLE (Kidding, in a punk kid tone of voice) Your mother? Do you know that feeling where the words are forming, coming out of your mouth in slow motion, and at that very moment, you realize that no, no, you're saying the wrong thing, but it's too late to stop the words, to take them back? Because that's what happened to me at that moment. Because my friends mother passed away a few years ago. It wasn't like this big huge deal. My friend didn't storm out of the room, or punch me, or even really seem upset. He just gave the "heh heh" response that my smart-mouth comment would have garnered under any other circumstance. But I felt really stupid. And the worst thing of all is that after I realized the whole dead-mom faux pas, I didn't know how to acknowledge that I had even made a faux pas. You see how my stopping to say, "Oh, woah, I'm really sorry I just made that off-handed remark, because I forgot that your mom passed away" could have possibly made the situation even more awkward. But man, I felt like a real turd. I am a real turd. I should have said, "Your baby momma" instead. |
