Saturday . October 6 . 2001 . 9:23pm I went downtown this afternoon to volunteer at a cardiopulmonary health screening program for police, firefighters, and rescue workers working in the World Trade Center relief effort. My job was to check blood cholesterol and glucose levels. It was fairly straightforward. The health screening area today was actually not as busy as it had been earlier in the week, but that could be attributed to the fact that there were two NYPD funerals earlier today. Also, several officers that had apparently been on their way over were called into action when someone in another part of town hijacked a car with a baby inside of it. So I guess in some ways, things in New York are getting back to normal. It was good getting to talk with the officers. They were all so nice, and really grateful for our help. I couldn't help feeling guilty, since I had done so little when they all had done and lost so much, yet they were thanking me. OFFICER So you're a medical student? MICHELLE Yes, I'm in my third year. OFFICER Bless you. Thank you for coming in to help us out. MICHELLE Oh, please, it makes me feel good to know that there's something I can do to help. OFFICER You are helping. You really are. Thank you so much. MICHELLE'S INNER MONOLOGUE Thank god I have the opportunity to volunteer at this health screening thing, it makes me feel so much less guilty that I'm too emotionally chickenshit to go volunteer at the morgue, cataloguing body parts. One officer told us that she was at the base of the Towers when the first one started to crumble. She shouted for everyone to run, but some people remained frozen in their spots, staring up at the debris as smoke as it started to rain down upon them. "I had no other choice," she told us, "I had to run myself. I've never run that fast in my life. My legs were sore for three days afterwards. But I feel terrible that I had to leave all those people behind." |
Survivor guilt. |
